Why sleeping with your boss will knock you to the bottom
Published: Monday, February 7, 2011
Updated: Tuesday, February 8, 2011 10:02
You have a sexy boss. He's tall; he's handsome; he's unattached; and best of all, he's in a position of power. You've no doubt spent a lot of time fantasizing about him in a slightly different position of power.
Well, stop it.
Sleeping with your boss is almost always guaranteed to end badly. Monica Lewinsky should have taught us that. She slept with the most powerful man in the country. Maybe she simply couldn't resist that kind of power. Maybe she thought it would advance her career. Well, she was right. She is a very successful politician now. Oh wait, I'm confusing her with someone else. Lewinsky ended up being a laughing stock for years and then tried her hand at selling handbags before finally giving up and moving to London to pursue other avenues. That's probably what she intended to happen when she slept with her boss, right?
Most people, like Lewinsky, sleep with their bosses in hopes of advancing their positions or receiving a raise.
The reality, though, is that you will likely lose your job. Either somebody will find out, there will be a scandal, and your boss' boss will fire you; or, you will develop a relationship. The sex will be great; it will be lots of fun. But eventually, it will end. Now, legally, your boss can't fire you because you broke up. But he can find another reason to fire you. Or he can transfer you downstairs to Storage Unit B. Either way, you're screwed. Figuratively, not literally, of course.
According to Suzi Godson of The London Times, "In a 2006 poll of 5,000 women by Top Santé magazine 28 percent of women admitted to sex with a colleague; 10 percent had had a fling with the boss; and of that 10 percent, 12 percent were subsequently promoted."
Sure, there is a chance that you will get ahead by sleeping with your boss.
A 12 percent chance.
That leaves an 88 percent chance that you will either lose your job or keep the job you have but be labeled the office slut. Those are not very good odds.
If the idea of losing your job isn't enough to silence those cravings for his luscious man-meat, consider the fact that you'll have to see him every day. You may think that's great, but remember what happened to George Costanza when he tried to date a coworker on "Seinfeld:" "You know the anxiety you feel on a date? That's what I have every day now. My worst nightmare's come true; every day is a date… Every time I go to the bathroom I pass her desk. I have to plan little patter. I spend half my day writing. Then afterwards, I sit in my office and analyze how it went. If it was a good conversation, I don't go to the bathroom for the rest of the day." That will be your life… or his.
You may not experience that kind of anxiety while dating, but it will be mighty awkward having to see him after you break up. Imagine running into your ex-boyfriend every single day. Then imagine seeing him with his new slutty receptionist girlfriend.
And what if the sex is just terrible? Can you imagine having to look him in the eye the next day? "Uh… sir, can you approve these TPS reports?"
You also need to consider how many others have had the same idea. Are you the only person ever to work – ahem – under him? Think of the line of employees who have paraded through his office. He did say he has an "open door" policy, right?
That just doesn't seem sanitary. You have no idea where those promotion-hungry hussies have been. Do yourself a favor and try to find a clean partner from another company who knows how to operate the equipment.
With the plethora of choices out there, why go fishing in the company pond? Unless you are a serious masochist, steer clear of the inevitably painful experience of sleeping with your boss. Trust in your merits and don't sell your integrity for the miniscule chance of making more money. That's what prostitution is for.