Guide to staying single: Guaranteed effective!

Ever find yourself getting ready for a blind date, even though you specifically requested to be set up with a person that has eyesight? Ever find yourself on a date, only to realize you've made a horrible mistake? Is your Facebook relationship status set to Single, with an unspoken "and loving it"?

Valentine's may be the day where millions profess their love for one another, but what about those who are single and loving it? Those that are single by choice not chance? (I'm not talking about Single's Awareness Day, because that's just SAD.)

Valentine's Day is all about flowers and chocolate and being together and going on dates, but if you're single, it's all about just staying awesome.

This time every year, people realize one of two things: They're in a relationship and they shouldn't be, or they're single and loving it. At least, that's how I look at it.

Obviously, the best way to stay single is to avoid going on dates. Want to get coffee Friday? No, you don't believe in child labor-produced first world beverages. Want to catch a movie? Can't, volunteering at a deaf retirement home. Concert? Cancer treatment. Dinner? Death. You're busy.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you will eventually end up on a date. When you find yourself in such an unfortunate situation, there are a host of lines you can use to make sure you get lucky that night and leave the date still single...

Best dating ice breaker: "So, why're you single?"

Best way to be super annoying on a first date: "So, where do you see yourself in five years?" "Well-" "Psych! Trick question! It's 2012. The world is ending this year."

Best judge of girl's sense of humor: "Tell me about your family. And no, I don't mean the voices in your head."

Best way to make a girl stop talking about her family: "That's cool. It's been a long time since I've met someone who was adopted."

Sure-fire pick-up line: "Wow, you look like an angel. Seriously though, why aren't you modeling for K-Mart?"

Polished pick-up line: "If you had to rate my face on a scale of 1 to Awesome, what would you rate it? Because if I had to rate your body on a scale of 1 to Awesome, it would be a… 9."

Workable pick-up line: "Question: Where have you been all my life? Answer: staying single for me."

Fair pick-up line: "I'm not really interested in dating, but I could use some more Facebook friends, if you're interested."

Rusty pick-up line: "Are you OK? Because I'm pretty sure you just fell straight from Heaven...and you have a twin, who's also an angel, just not a fallen one, and..."

Best way to immediately end the date and walk away: "I just have one question for you: How dare you?"

After every date, especially if it's gone well, make sure you hand out a business card. Not because you want the person to call you for another date, but because you want them to know that you're focused on your career.

While you may not experience the joy of spending buckets of money treating a significant other this Valentine's Day, you will instead have buckets of joy knowing that you're still single and still awesome.