Biscotti, anyone?

Oh, how lovely; it seems I've been invited to a tea party. I say, and just as I'd begun to fancy a spot of Darjeeling! Wait a minute, why are your several thousand guests marching with swastikas? Egad, that child is brandishing a pistol! Everyone, please, stop shouting! Your conduct is not befitting of a tea partygoer of my stature and I shall take my leave at once. That was the worst tea party I've ever attended. Unless I'm mistaken, I'd say that this was, in fact, a political rally populated by slack-jawed sub-literates uniting in myopic fear and not a tea party at all! They didn't even offer me a biscotti!

The fear that animates the Tea Party phenomenon is real and warranted. The rising deficit and government misspending are bedevilments that will hinder our progress for years to come, and indeed they must be addressed. I would contend, however, that the Tea Party patriots are misdirected, and that their ill-defined ideology is nothing new.

The first tea party events were organized by Ron Paul's camp and were, accordingly, more Libertarian than what the party has become, as evidenced by the tone at their recent convention, where former Governor and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin was the keynote speaker.

After watching most of the speeches, particularly those by Palin (who was paid $100,000 for her appearance) and former Congressman Tom Tancredo (R, CO), it seems as though the Tea Party espouses the same Reagan-tastic rhetoric as the RNC and most prominent conservatives, just at greater volume. For example, many Republican lawmakers are opposed to illegal immigration, but Tancredo – no longer running for re-election and therefore unbound by our State's diversifying constituency – can publicly champion a return to Jim Crow-era literacy tests on electoral ballots to discourage minorities from voting.

The argument that voters who oppose taxes, immigration, abortion, spending and entitlements while favoring guns, deregulation and oil drilling are underrepresented in the U.S. political system is ludicrous. Those issues are the Republicans' bread and butter, and all the Tea Party is likely to accomplish should they wade into electoral waters is Democratic victory over a split conservative vote.

I doubt the Tea Party will make it that far, however. Their kooky ideas and folksy speeches make for fascinating television, but if Sarah Palin is the most visible advocate they have, they don't stand a chance in a national election.