Abstain from abstinence-only sex-ed

People have sex. More than that, young people have sex. I know; it's terrifying. But telling teens that they have to simply deny a part of themselves because some prudish adults can't stand the thought that their son or daughter might be a fully-formed person is ridiculous.

That's why abstinence-only sex ed. programs just don't work.

People are sexual creatures (note: Teens are included in the definition of people). This sex drive does not snap on when you sign a marriage license. It just is.

Some people, though, think they can magically make people not sexual by saying over and over not to have sex. This idea has somehow become a national policy.

Anyone who's ever met a teenager would be aware of their penchant for doing exactly what you told them not to - seemingly because you told them no.

When teens are told, "No, you shouldn't have sex," their brains hear, "Sex must be awesome if they don't want me to do it! I should go out and do it right away!"

So now that we've convinced teens that sex must be at the height of human activity by telling them that it is forbidden, abstinence-only advocates would send them on their merry way without a word of warning.

Oh, wait. They do give warnings - in the form of, "If you have sex, you will catch AIDS and herpes, your teeth will decay and your ears will grow to twice their size."

Students will dismiss these cautions out-of-hand because they are patently ridiculous.

Teens, as a general rule, are smarter than adults give them credit for. If you tell them that they'll catch a disease if they have sex before they sign a marriage contract, they're going to wonder what's so magical about a marriage license that lets it cure disease. In other words, they'll know that you are talking out of your ass.

So now, you have painted this picture of sex as a wonderful, forbidden thing. You've sent them off, with what they consider to be lies as warnings, and you expect them to be perfect little angels until they are married to the boy/girl of your dreams, at which point all of the blinders drop away and they automatically know everything there is to know about having sex.

Sound about right? Of course not, it sounds stupid.

Probably because it is.

Then there is the moral issue that is brought up. This one runs the gamut of idiocy. Some people say it's immoral for teens to have sex.

Still others find issues with the fact that all good sex-education programs include curriculum about gay and lesbian sex.

Ooh, I've hit the jackpot there, haven't I?

That's a huge problem for people to work around.

Regardless of your religious beliefs or culturally-induced homophobia, gay and lesbian people exist. And you know what? Telling your child that they don't exist is a good way to produce trauma-inducing culture shock down the road.

And if your child happens to be LGBT or any other of the ways it is possible to exist without being heterosexual, telling them that they don't exist, or that the way they are is unnatural, is a big part of the reason that gay and lesbian teens have a much higher suicide rate than their straight counterparts.

A sex-education program which proscribes sex in every situation except the one in which a man and a woman have signed a contract is not appropriate in any situation, and will not have the desired effect.

In fact, it will have the opposite effect.