America goes to war with Iran; war toys rationed

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America has officially entered into war with Iran.

After receiving a package from the Iranian government containing a hot-pink toy version of the stealth drone captured in December, President Barack Obama was visibly unnerved.

Upon opening the package, he shouted, "This means war!" as he pitched the drone across the Oval Office. "We will avenge this act of aggression against the great American nation!"

The Joint Chiefs of Staff convened in the War Room on Feb. 1 to create a formal battle plan. After about six hours of planning, the room began to stir with action.

White House interns were sent out, returning with shopping bags from Toys R Us, Target and Walmart. Others were seen carrying in boxes and packing materials from UPS.

"We're sending them all we've got," said Obama at a press conference later that evening.

In the first wave of the surge, the White House sent 1,337 model fighter jets, 2,185 toy tanks, 1,549 assorted helicopters and 216,247 G.I. Joes to the Iranian government.

"This is not a warning," said Obama, "We are letting them know we mean business."

White House interns purchased all the war toys from all the toy stores in the greater Washington D.C. area to cover the surge.

"Next is Baltimore, then New York. We'll continue sending troops until they surrender," said Obama.

As a result of the surge, the government is calling for all fighter toys to be rationed. Some families are already feeling the strain from the depleted resources.

"All I wanted for my birthday was a Helizone Combat Fighter 3.5 Channel Gyro Missile Shooting RC Helicopter," said 8-year-old Mikey Pavlish, "But I couldn't get one because of the stupid president. I got a pink Barbie car instead!"

Toy manufacturers have hired double the number of employees to meet the demand. As a result of the increased hiring, unemployment has decreased by 4 percent.

To which Obama remarked, "I did say I would decrease unemployment, didn't I?"