Top 5 Ways to Eat Weed (and a few ways not to)

5. Straight out of the bag – Not recommended, but sometimes necessary when being busted by the cops. "He's already pulled over, he can't pull over any further!" ("Super Troopers"). Like weed-flavored shredded wheat, without the milk.

4. Date a CC student – Do not eat the dreadlocks, they are nasty. Seriously, most Colorado College students have the proper credentials, connections and finances to facilitate the creation of delectable treats like Lucky Charms Squares or Magic Chocolate Mini-Muffins. Labor flows freely from the community man, so everyone gets a brownie.

3. Weed butter – Most medical marijuana dispensaries sell tubs of weed-infused butter ($30 per 8 oz.), usually made from clippings growers would otherwise have wasted. The interested connoisseur can easily make his or her own from recipes on the Internet. Simply spread on toast or use in recipes in place of oil, butter or margarine. 

2. Stoner's Delight Strawberry-Banana French Toast

1. Homemade treats from a dispensary – With the best selection, highest quality and, not to mention, complete legality (with credentials), local dispensaries offer by far the safest option for stony edibles. Muffins, pastries, cakes, pies, truffles, turtles, ice cream treats, you name it. It's like Ben and Jerry and Little Debbie went into the baking business with Snoop Dog and Woody Harrelson.

0. Having eaten weed, you now need something to do. "A Child's Garden of Grass," the 1970 classic record about the history of weed, will satisfy and enlighten while you eat.